I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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