I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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