I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize