I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
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do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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