I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize