Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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