had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize