11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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