The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize