Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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