Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
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I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
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I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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