Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
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I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
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There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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