How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
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How did I end up in the pool?!
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That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
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TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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