You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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