I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
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