The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so let's talk penis.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize