So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Less talking, more tequila
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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