I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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