$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
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she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
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In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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