you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize