so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
you made out with another girl for some wings
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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