I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
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she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
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Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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