My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize