I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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