Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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