Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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