I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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