6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize