I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
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She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
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Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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