Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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