Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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