i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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