My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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