Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
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He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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