I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
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I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
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I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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