i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize