yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
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I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
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I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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