Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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