garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
