its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
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stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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