I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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