I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize