I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
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The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
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Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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