I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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