I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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