We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
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just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
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Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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