Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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