I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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