The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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