True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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